Originally written June 3, 2018
Thank you all so much for your love, support, comments and messages! I am overwhelmed by the ways God is blessing me in the midst of all this pain and suffering. You have been His hands and feet and His reminders of His faithfulness to me. He hasn’t left me. He hasn’t forsaken me. I can’t hold onto Him, but that doesn’t mean He isn’t holding onto me. He is holding onto me and He will never let me go.
I was convicted this morning sitting in church. Convicted of the ugliness of sin in this world. Convicted that sin is the true root cause of this situation. Convicted that your prayers and support are only going toward me and my healing. Convicted that I still have anger and unforgiveness in my heart toward the person who did this. Anger at his lack of apology. Anger that he can talk the talk of being a Christian, but then didn’t live it out. Anger at my church for how they handled our situation. Anger at how hypocritical everyone is being. Including myself. So much anger. How can I say I have forgiven them and hold all that anger? None of them are being hurt by my anger. I am being hurt by my anger. My anger will not change them. It will only make me bitter, cynical, and impede my ability to heal. How can I get upset at others for not living out their faith, when I can’t live out mine? How can I call myself a Christian and hold onto this anger? I can’t. It makes me just as much of a hypocrite.
Forgiveness means letting go of your anger. Letting go of the justice you think you deserve. Letting go of negative feelings and attitudes. Letting go and letting love and compassion in. Letting God’s view of people into your heart. Letting your heart break for the sinner because you know they need Jesus but they don’t seem to see their own need. Seeing them as God sees them. Broken, hurting, destroyed by sin, but deserving love, care, and compassion. My heart breaks for him. My heart wants to see him reconciled to Christ. My heart breaks because he is a sinner and can speak the theology, but I’m not sure his heart believes. My heart breaks that his soul is lost and isn’t finding its way back to Jesus.
My prayer and request for you this morning is that you continue to pray. Continue to pray for me and my healing. But start praying for him. Start praying for the person who treated me this way. Pray that God would break his heart toward his sin. That God would reveal his need for a Savior. That God would humble him. That God would reconcile him to Himself. That God would make his head knowledge, heart knowledge. That God would make his theology, action. That God would make his doctrine, living, moving, breathing. Faith without works is dead. Pray that this becomes a reality for him. Pray for reconciliation of all involved. Pray for humility. Pray for living faith. Pray that God receives all the glory, honor and praise for whatever happens. Only He has the power to bring beauty from these ashes. And He will.
The Bible is the story of sin and reconciliation and redemption. God is who He says He is. He is a God of redemption. He is a God of reconciliation. He will be glorified. None of us can imagine what that will look like. None of us should try to imagine what that will look like. What we should do. Have faith. Have faith because God is who He says He is. God will redeem. God will restore. God will reconcile. All He asks is that we submit to Him. We trust Him. We rest in Him. We wait on Him. We give Him all the glory, honor, and praise.
This is my prayer this morning and as I continue this journey of healing. I ask that this be your prayer too.
Heaven is my Home 